ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
