I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
