Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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