He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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