John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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