would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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