also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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