Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
