can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.