I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
