If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
