Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
