Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
