My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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