The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's never too late to be topless.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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