i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
