The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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