Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize