Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
