I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
