i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
