sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
