that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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