Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
