We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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