He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
