Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
