fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
