Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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