Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
