I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
