so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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