I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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