That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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