no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
