You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
