You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
