i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
