question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
