Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
