I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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