for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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