so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
