There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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