So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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