oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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