i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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