Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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