Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
