I'm jealous of your bromance
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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