Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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