i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
