I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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