R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?