he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go