Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have grass duct taped all over my body
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That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.