Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
