Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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