Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
