you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
