you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
