Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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