I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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