Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
