I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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