i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
