so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize