I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
