my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
