Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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