the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he fucked my hip out of place.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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