I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
