i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
