mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
