We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
