so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
farters have to be the big spoon...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
