so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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