summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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