I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
